1. Clone a Porn Site Scam
It’s incredibly easy to set up a porn site.
- Register a website in Estonia or Bermuda or Kazakhstan. You know, somewhere where they don’t ask questions about this kind of stuff.
- Visit some existing porn sites and copy all their pictures. You’ll probably need about 100. (Don’t worry about these sites complaining – where do you think they got their pictures?)
- Post these pictures on your own site and charge five bucks to look at them. (Don’t worry about people complaining that you only have 100 pictures. Do you think they’ll go to the Better Business Bureau? And anyway, your site is hosted in Estonia.)
2. Write a ‘How to Get Rich’ Book Scam
What? You don’t know how to get rich quick? That doesn’t matter, do you think the authors of all these other books know how to get rich? They get rich by writing these crappy books, and so can you!
Don’t know what to write? It’s easy. Let’s see, Chapter 1 How to think like a winner. Chapter 2 Take command of your destiny. Chapter 3 Cultivating the dream. See, you can knock this stuff out in no time. And if you’re too lazy to spend three days doing this, you can sell it as an e-book on the Internet. That way you only need to write about ten pages!
3. Identity Theft Scam
If a bunch of Nigerians with bad English and email accounts can do it, you can do it, too! The premise is simple: if one in a thousand people will fall for it, send out a million emails. Like they say, a sucker logs on every minute.
What kind of emails am I talking about? Easy, pick a popular bank, clone their website and send out junk mail asking people to update their personal details.
Don’t have the tehnical skills? Go to your nearest college and find an Eastern European IT student. And don’t forget to host your clone website in Estonia.
4. The Well-Dressed Beggar Scam
Time to go low-tech for a while. Some time ago a sociologist did an experiment at a busy train station in London. First he posed as a beggar dressed in filthy rags to see how much money he could collect. Not much! But the next day, he returned to the station and posed as a businessman who had lost his wallet and needed to buy a ticket to return home.
“I’m terribly sorry to bother you, but I’m in a bit of a predicament…”
The old ladies fell over themselves to help out the ‘nice young man’ who had gotten into a ‘spot of bother’. And train tickets in London are not cheap!
Get the idea? We’ll make a scam artist out of you yet.
5. The Expiry-Date-Approaching Scam
An oldie but still a goodie. The premise is simple. If you are a young and attractive lady, hang out somewhere where you will meet rich old men with their ‘expiry date’ approaching soon. It worked for Anna Nicole Smith.
Hell, even if you’re unattractive, it’ll still work. Just pick one whose eyesight is failing! And guys, you’ve got a chance, too. Remember that women usually outlive their husbands (I wonder why!), so there are plenty of rich widows out there.
6. The Psychic Scam
The great thing about pretending to be a psychic is that nobody really expects you to prove it. If someone were to say, “If you’re really psychic, what’s my mother’s middle name?”, you could just answer, “The powers don’t work that way,” and continue to babble on about auras and voices from the other world.
The key here is to never give any concrete information. Talk in vague terms and tell people what they want to hear. “You will find Mr. Right soon!”
It’s simple; you buy a crystal ball and the Dummies Guide to Tarot Cards and you’re all set to scam.
7 .The E-Bay Scam
Another oldie but goodie. Remember the toast on E-Bay with the image of Mary on it. Well, it seems that Catholics are willing to part with large sums of money for crap as long as it’s got that miraculous image on it. So open that fridge and get to painting those images.
Hell, you can sell anything on E-Bay. Even air (if you claim it’s for ‘charity’).
8. The Pyramid Scheme Scam
Why oh why do chumps invest their money in these things? Statistics show that in many of these pyramids, less than one percent of the members make any money.
Unless, that is, you start the pyramid scheme yourself. That’s right; the guy at the top of the pyramid makes plenty of cash from his ‘downlines’ of suckers. After all, once you start your pyramid, anyone else who joins has to pay some money to you!
Of course, you should never use the phrase ‘pyramid scheme’ on your marks. Refer to it as a ‘multi-level business opportunity’.
9. Start a Cult
If you’re really hardcore, there’s no better scam to pull than starting up a cult. After all, what could be better than having hundreds of ‘disciples’ catering to your every whim because you’ve persuaded them that you’re Zahesh the Messenger of the Apocalypse (or something like that). Within no time, they’ll be emptying their bank accounts to fill up yours.
And don’t think you need to have a magnetic personality and good looks to pull this scam – just look at Kim Jong Il!
10. The Military Industrial Complex Scam
This one is really a scam for the rich to get richer. But anyway, here goes:
You need to be able to enter politics and make friends with the neocons (those are the Republicans that are gathered around the White House having secret discussions with each other). At the same time, you maintain your links with shady arms manufacturers.
You use your influence to lobby congress to send even more aid to Israel. No, not money, silly, we’re talking about military aid, here. After all, these pesky Palestinians teenagers are throwing rocks at the Israeli tanks again.
Now where oh where can we source some military hardware from. Lucky you have plenty of contacts in the arms industry. The best thing is that it’s not even called a kickback. It’s a ‘consultancy fee’.